- Hi Fara,
- Tumi ki jano mobile phone sms er emotional impact WhatsApp message er cheye beshi? Eta keno hoy ami sure na kintu mobile sms er jonno 1 taka 20 poisha khoroch hoy, shetao karon hoite pare. Tar mane manush jonmogotoi kipta. 1 taka 20 poishar mullo uthanor jonno emotion dhukaye dicche. I know, Logic level: Tanim Jalal. But tumi pore dekho bole ei logic er msg diteo thaki.
- Amar ekta raat er kotha mone ase first year e jokhon amar shokal 8 tay class thaka shotteo tumi amake 4ta porjonto jagaye rakhsila, shetar jonno amar porer din class e ghumaite giye jhamelay porte hoisilo, but I remember I was smiling the whole time while I was getting my punishment.
- Erpor ekdin tumi bolsile je tomake keo kokhono surprise dey na. I still have a entry in my to do list to make a plan to surprise you somehow. Hae eta hasshokor shonacche but you have no idea how much time I used to plan a surprise. But tumi jano ami ki faltu eishob bepare.
- Do you remember a line art I made of you in photoshop? Ami sure tomar sheta mone nai karon sheta tomar ektuo bhalo lage nai ar na laga shabhabik karon sheta khubi baje hoisilo. :3 Oidin ami sharadin photoshop er skill baranor jonno photoshop niye pore chilam jate skill bhalo kore I can make one better that you will like.
- Ami ekhon temon ekta rikshay chorina but rikshay uthle ekhono amar shobar age "Riksha video" bananor kotha mone hoy jegula tomake pathaye ami birokto kortam. Erokom aro hajar ta jinish ase jegula ami tomake bolte parbo.
- So why am I telling you this now? Keno age boli nai?
- Karon ami egula niye age kokhono chinta kori nai, I always thought what we had was special/different. Tumi jano kina jani na, I was obsessed and amazed with the phenomenon that how people can be "in love" at one time, then after some time they completely forget about each other like nothing ever happened. But soon I realized etai hoyto normal. "Moving on" khomota hocche manusher progression er shob theke boro weapon.
- And I don't have that weapon, or maybe I didn't want to move on. So I never allowed myself to be so close that one day I have to become a bad memory. And I had every reasons to believe that it will happen eventually because of all the other things in my life, which no one knows about.
- (Fun Fact: I was never in love or anything with Adnin, but I could never get over the fact that how she wasted one year of my life and made me a miserable person full of hatred while she was doing "Besh korechi preme porechi" with her life. But then I talked to you and got relief from all the hatred I had stored in me. Mane amio pari move on korte yay. )
- So fast forward HSC and admission time, I took a family member of mine to a family friend who is also a psychiatrist. That psychiatrist told me that I should open up more and tell people about what had been going on in my life if I need emotional support from others.
- I called bullshit on this because I thought I don't need emotional support from anyone, I am fine alone. Keeping everything inside was a better option than telling a stranger about it. And I also have Sakibuddin for help though he doesn't know everything. (I love him. But please don't tell him I said that. It sounds gay af. :v )
- Amra jokhon Khulnay chilam, while I was gathering information like "is kuet a good place for girls who are not orthodox monkeys", "is there any other way to travel to chittagong other than bus because you can't sleep in bus" or something like those, I realized I liked caring so much for someone else, I liked it when Rajib bhai asked if it is my girlfriend for who I am gathering so much information for. And also realized I don't have to tell anything to a stranger, I can tell you everything that I have never told anyone, why I hate Notre Dame so much, Why I can't study in Chittagong even if I wanted so much, a lot of things. I also realized I don't have to be so alone all the time anymore.
- I don't like labeling every relationship, I don't like when people boast about their love or affection for someone because, dude, you don't know whats going to happen in the future. I know I am wrong about this. Maybe it is because I am bad at handling emotion. Maybe because most of the things I predict about others "prem-bhalobasha" becomes true. I just don't know.
- I am not stupid Farah, hoyto shibshomoy sure chilam na but I can tell when a person likes me or not, but I liked you too so thought this made it right. I was never intentionally leading you on. I thought I was helping you by keeping myself away, remember a fight we had where I said some stupid shit and you told me I was doing all this just to be like "Himu"? You have no idea what that felt like. At that time I was thinking that I was becoming weaker and lamer which concerned me, and than out of nowhere you told me something like this which caught me so off guard and I thought that was the end, it was time to let you go. I tried.
- So whats the summary of all this? I don't know. I just wanted you to know my side of story. I know so much of the story sounds like bullshit,but what can I do when I myself am a piece of shit.
- And what will happen in the future? Nothing. Maybe you will find it awkward for a month but then I am going back to be a caveman, and you will start a new life. I deserve to be a cavemen. You don't deserve to be a cavewoman. So see? Allah ja kore kisher jonno kore?
- Hey but I don't want it to be end. Maybe we can stay "friends" and go hangout if our other friends go. I am already awkward so i wont find it awkward. Maybe Zia bhai available na thakle you can msg me about your phone problem. Maybe everything will be the same except we will know each other better now. Idk. But trust me, you can think of me as a murgi all you want, but you will thank me after a time for this decision. Maybe you already are thankful. I don't know.
- Don't reply to this message, I think I have almost gotten a heart condition after all this. :v Emnite bhuri wala er upor heart condition, I want to die at 40, not 22.
- Ar amar sritishokti eto o kharap na, eta lekhar shomoy amar kotokichu mone porse jano? maybe accuracy kom hobe, tao porse. Amader kotha bolar total shomoykaal koto bochor disilam mone ase?
- Bye for now, (I hope)
- PS: I wrote this in 15 minutes, second bar pore dekhi nai. onekdin dhore brain khush khush kortesilo kichu pathanor. I wanted it to be as frank as possible. Hothat kore normal jibone beghat anar jonno sorry.
- PS 2: mittha bolsi, second bar pore dekhsi. But for spelling mistake.
- PS 3: Tech boy ki Zia bhai naki Rakib bhai bhule gesi.
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